I was sitting on the couch in living room….or was about to, when I saw two kids coming to the door. I figured they were selling something, and not wanting to deal with them, I ducked in front of the couch, laying on the floor. I could still see the front door and front window. Both dogs were in the house, I know this because Sara alias El Chupacabra was standing on the coffee table looking down at me. Despite the kids knocking on the door, neither dog was barking.
The kids go away, seeing as how I didn’t answer the door. I get up, only to see a car or truck in the driveway, and two tall men returning with the kids. I duck in front of the couch again. One of the men begins to pick the lock on the door, and he succeeds. I figure that when I stand up, these suspects will realize that there IS somebody home, and either leave, say the door was open and make up some lame story, or kill me. They do nothing of the sort. They just walk in, make their intentions clear, and start taking things, reminding me who is in charge by flashing a butterfly knife every now and then. Not a gun, or a super soaker loaded with anthrax or smallpox (to which I’m immune, thank you US Military), but a small, somewhat unimpressive butterfly knife.
I remember to note their appearances, as I will have to call the police when they are done. Both men are very tall, and rather large. The one I primarily deal with has short, buzzed red hair, glasses, and that’s all I can remember. Good description, I know. The other one is dressed like the demon in Jeepers Creepers, maybe he looks like him too, I can’t remember his face.
First off, I remember pointing out a cool, expensive Star Wars-ish toy I had sitting on the shelf in the dining room, hoping that they would take it and not much else. Apparently I felt as though I could part with that item, and I probably could seeing as how in reality I own nothing of the sort. One of the kids picked it up, and both of them walked outside arguing over it. My plan worked! Sort of. Now just don’t take my other stuff that I actually don’t want stolen. The Buddha wouldn’t care if he got robbed, huh? He probably wouldn’t have anything to steal to begin with anyway. I should try to work on stuff reduction, so if I do get robbed, I won’t care.