English Language Nazis

17 04 2008

I failed my Undergraduate Writing Exam, which means I won’t be graduating

Not really, I’ll still graduate, I just have to retake the test in June. If I don’t pass it then, I have to take a 3 unit class in the fall. That’s fine, as I’ll still be going to school anyway for another year (Credential Program).

Overall, me not passing the test is more of an inconvenience then a setback, as now I have to deal with the entire issue.

I have the option to appeal my score. Get this: I got 112 points on the test, and I only needed 114 points to pass. To get another two points, I need to explain why I deserve them.

Below is the question and my response. I left in all spelling and grammar errors.

Yes, I make spelling and grammar errors. I have become accustomed to the computer picking them up, and in some cases, auto correcting. Obviously, when I wrote the essay by hand, I didn’t get auto corrected.

Anyway, let me know what you think. I’m looking for some constructive criticism.

Question #1

You have 45 minutes to write on the following topic. Read the prompt carefully, and be sure to address the prompt directly and fully in your response.

As children, we all engaged in activities which we found enriching and enjoyable at the time. As we grow up, however many of us leave behind these activities for a variety of reasons. On the other hand, others may find that as adults, they still engage in a leisure activity or indulge a hobby which they first pursued as children. In either case, this childhood activity has shaped the people we grow up to be.

Consider your own life experience, and choose ONE favorite activity or hobby in which you engaged as a child. In a well developed and clearly organized essay, describe this activity in detail, and fully explain how this activity has contributed to the person you are today. If you no longer pursue this activity, why did you give it up? If you still engage in this activity, why do you still make it part of your adult life?

Heres what I wrote:

As a child, one tends to engage in “childish” activities to pass the time. Such an activity, for myself an no doubt others, was playing with toys. however, the term “toy” itself is rather general, but to describe what, as a child, I utilized to entertain myself, the term “toy” would be rather accurate. Looking at my life today, one could say that I still play with my toys, even though the actual toys themselves have grown up and changed along with me.

The toys that I played with as a child were intended for the use of children. For example, many toys come with an age reccomendation such as “For Ages 5 and Up,” or “Not For Children Under 3 years of Age.” What I notice now is that there is never a maxium age written on toy packaging. To me, that implies that childrens toys can be used for entertainment indefinately. However, there seems to be some sort of transition period in which older toys are cast aside and replaced with newer, more advanced, and no doubt expensive toys.

These childhood toys perhaps come to embody the spirit of my own youth. As I matured and moved into young adulthood, these same toys were either discarded, put away in a box somewhere, or passed along to a younger generation. In a sense, toys can be viewed as a metaphor pertaining to ones own physical, mental, and psycholigical growth. Some toys are discarded, just as certain aspects of childishness are left behind as one matures. the toys in a box somewhere would represent childhood memories and experiences stored in the mind. The toys that were passed along represent my own childhood being replaced with a younger generation, speaking volumes about how it is now my time to “be the adult” and act as guardian and role model for youths.

If the playing, discarding, keeping, and passing along of toys represents my progression from childhood to adulthood, then the acquiring of newer, more complex and expensive toys must represent my march from adulthood to death. As the description of this progression will no doubt be depressing, its aspects will remain unexplored for now. After all, I won’t know the true meaning of anything until after I die. To speculate on the meanin of my adult toys now would be a fruitless undertaking, as I have no knowledge of my own future, which would provide the necessary retrospective details which I utalized to write the first part of this essay which covered childhood.

In other words, I can’t truely analyize my adulthood until it is over. When that happens, I’ll finish this up properly.


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5 responses

17 04 2008
stevewithmoya

That was a brilliant piece of “tap-dancing” around the issue and I applaud the execution. Personally, if my liesure-activities as a youth truly influenced myself today at any significant level, then I could have/should have chosen better. Of course my family’s financial situation didn’t give me all that many options so I worked with what I had; much like how I operate my daily life today with my current income. If that’s the deep connection to my current aspect on life then I’m not overly impressed with that life’s lesson and I’ll just humbly wait for the rewrite. Good work, Jason.

18 04 2008
Japanet

I know i’m not very good at English…But you didn’t even answer the question

19 04 2008
Corinne

I think this would have worked if you were in a class an wrote an essay answer, however, you really did dance around the question and didn’t answer it how they wanted. So, in other words, next time answer the question as if you’re a Freshmen and give them what they ask for. It certainly was a Jason answer though.

21 04 2008
I’d like to have the stricken from the record… « MacGyvers Roll of Duct Tape

[...] I’d like to have the stricken from the record… 21 04 2008 This is what I wanted to include in my appeal letter: [...]

21 04 2008
Maggie

Just answer the damn prompt next time even though I know you hate doing that. It was a fantastic answer just not what “they” wanted. These are the times were you can BS an answer seesh :).

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