The “platform”

27 07 2005

So there I was, ripping up the “platform” that a one Mr. XXXXXX XXXXXX (I’m not saying his name, because if he ever Google’s himself, he’ll see this. He knows where I live, afterall) “built” in the bedroom of the house I’m buying. I only know his name because his mail still comes to the house, and I found a few receipts laying around with his name on it.

This guy is dumb. Like a lazy, white trash kind of dumb. He may not be white, I’ve never actually seen him. But he sure is white trash. He was the last resident, along with his wife and their 2 children, of the house. He was renting it from his step mother, the actual owner. We are buying it from her. Anyway, he’s dumb. Also anyway, he was building this “platform” sort of as a way to divide the rather large master bedroom into 2 separate bedrooms, because the other bedroom was being turned into a half-ass “recording studio.” Rather then let his kids sleep in the other bedroom, he made them sleep in the same bedroom with only a curtain hung from the ceiling as a divider. And the “platform,” of course.

First off, he built the “platform” using 2×6’s that he nailed to the bottom baseboard molding that goes around the entire room. This molding is original to the house, and it goes around the whole house, over the doors, and matches the window sills. Now, it has big holes made from 3 inch nails scattered around the bedroom . Then, rather then create an effective front edge to the “platform,” he just puts strips of random scrap wood in front, as if he ran out of 2×6’s or something. Those are about the only new pieces of wood on the thing, so you would think he would have planned it out and got enough of the stuff since he had to go to Home Depot anyway. Nope, he sure didn’t.

Platform

Nobody wants your piece of crap platform!

Now, instead of using the same 2×6’s to build the beams going across the middle, he uses scrap wood. Random pieces with random widths and heights and girths. 3 girth units, yes its funny. Anyhow, if the piece doesn’t go up 6 inches, he would screw a small chunk of plywood to level it out. I know he was using a level, because I found it underneath the “platform” when I ripped up the top 2 layers of randomly sized sheets of plywood that he used to make the top.

For the best part: Those randomly sized pieces of plywood that he used for the top (There were at least 3 layers) weren’t even touching in some places. There were gaps big enough to stick a fist through in some spots. And I know that they were sleeping in the bedroom on top of the bare wooden “platform” because besides the level, I found 2 condom wrappers and a shoe underneath when I ripped up those interwoven layers of scrap ply.

condoms

Somebody was screwing around. HA!
I hope those white spots are just paint…

So imagine a guy, totally white trash, possibly not white, having sex with his wife on a little bed on top of a haggard, crooked, plywood “platform” with only a shower curtain separating them from their two sleeping children on the other side of the room.

That is the guy that used to live in the house I’m buying.

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