Monsters

4 08 2005

So I was ripping up the floor in my bathroom, one hardwood plank at a time, when I stopped for a second to plan my next move.

sink floor

This is the floor in question. It smells like wet wood with a faint trace of old people.

In the silence, I heard what sounded like a cross between a cat purring and an an insect skittering. In my aloneness, I was overcome with a flight response. I quickly put the plank back into its place and pounded it down with my pry bar. Yes, this was only the first plank I had ripped up, and it was actually a fragment of the entire plank, for you nitpickers. Anyway, I stopped ripping up the floor and started patching the random holes in the walls that were not located in the bathroom.

Now, clearly there are no kittenbugs scurrying around under the floor, but it sure sounds like it. There is, however, a large cockroach and a few of his minions living in the bathtub.

Lester

I guess they came out of the exposed wall over the tub and became trapped.

exposed woodwork

I tried to “shoo” them out of the tub, but they cant seem to climb the smooth porcelain. Some of the smaller ones can enter and exit the drain at will, while these two are too large to enter the drain. Yes, they are TOO LARGE to go down the drain pipe. Sucks to be them. Lester is the big one, and I haven’t named the smaller one. To be honest, I’m not going to name it because Lester will surely eat him to survive.

So when I muster up the courage (and power tools) to rip up the floor, I shall see what lurks down in the darkness. Unfortunately, I also have to rip up a portion of floor where the “platform” was.

wood

The wood (barely) pictured there is what separates the hardwood floor from the cement porch. This bedroom was expanded out to the front porch back during the Civil War. Or maybe after that, I’m not sure. I need to rip it up and replace it, as it seems to be made of some species of balsa wood, or perhaps orange Styrofoam.

This may be my last blog, if I don’t post any before I rip up the floor. There is no telling what the kittenbug under the floor will do to me for breaking its roof.

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