You all suck!

6 02 2006

Which one of you assholes made me drink that $15 dollar coffee at like 7pm? Was it you? Or you? Or was it YOU!

Maybe it was me.

I have realized the slowness of my metabolism. Caffeine doesn’t affect my mind until many hours AFTER I drink it.

I was watching TV until about 1:15 (that’s late for me), then when I tried to go to sleep all I could think about was how much I’m sick of food. I’m sick of having to make it, having to pay for it, having to take time out of my day to eat it. I’m going to develop a 2000 calorie super multi-vitamin with a hunger-suppressing agent so I can just take one a day and not die of malnutrition. Am I lazy for wanting this? Maybe. Am I selfish about this since there are people around the world that are starving? Most definitely.

Maybe if I didn’t have to spend up to 30 minutes a day eating, I could use that time more wisely and come up with a solution to world hunger. The solution would be my 2000 calorie super multi-vitamin. Now there’s a Catch 22 if I ever thought of one.

Until I have developed my 2000 calorie super multi-vitamin, I’m going to live off of a diet of non-super multi-vitamins, mixed salted nuts, cows milk, and water. I don’t need to eat vegetables, the cows eat that, and its nutrition is passed on to me via the milk…at least that’s what I was taught in school about the food chain. And by that logic, I’m also eating sunlight and carbon dioxide.

Also, Macgyver won’t stop purring and dripping cat slobber on my foot.

And I’ve been having bloody farts since the coffee. Thank you Starbucks. I don’t mean “bloody farts” like I’m British, but I mean there is blood coming out when I fart. Yes, its gross, how do you think I feel about it? I actually have to clean myself up, you don’t.

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