Concerning Senior Citizens and Motion

7 06 2006

I wrote this a long time ago, just found it. I think its amusing and insightful. Others will find it distasteful and offensive. Whatever.

Maybe I was born with a steering wheel in my hand, or maybe it was my mothers lost diaphragm, but either way I do a lot of automobile driving. I think that maybe I drive 98ore then the average person, and I have at least over 4000 hours more drive time then the same average person. This average person doesn’t have a car though, so who am I to brag?

During my lengthy and intense driving sessions, I have come to notice several things. First and foremost, nobody is as good a driver as me. NOBODY. Secondly, those people that do show some promising potential as drivers almost never drive within 30 miles of me. Thirdly, people on bicycles that think they are in cars deserve to be hit. And fourthly, old people really do drive slow, but thats not the half of it. Old people, and by old I mean anybody with gray hair, or if you want to get technical, anybody that qualifies to join the AARP, traverse slowly. Yes, that sentence is grammatically correct.

I believe I will focus on old people now, since I am still writing about them. When I say traverse, I mean move, displace themselves, or travel. When old people move, they tend to do it more slowly then the rest of the young popul Read the rest of this entry »