Crash

13 03 2007

For a Race Relations class I’m currently taking, we watched “Crash.” As per the instructor, we are to take notes and write a two page response to the film. Here, for your enjoyment, are those notes. By the way, we didn’t finish watching it today, so I’ll have more when I’m done.

I. Crash
a. Mexicans don’t know how to drive according to Asians. Ironically, Asians don’t know how to drive either.
b. White people don’t wait for spaghetti or coffee, but black people have to wait over an hour for such delights.
c. The right arm of white women will get cold if they see a black man.
d. Black men carry guns and carjack white people. Then they tend to put statues of St. Christopher on the dash.
e. Barry Gibb carries a gun and is a cop in L.A. Also, he isn’t looking so good these days.
f. Gang Bangers moonlight as locksmiths.
g. Most white women are ignorant bitches.
h. Brendon Fraser is the D.A. of Los Angeles.
i. HMO operators are black women named Shaniqua.
j. Matt Dillon is a L.A. cop with a sick father who molests light skinned black women. (Dillon molests light skinned black women, not his father)
k. Gang bangers who moonlight as locksmiths have fairies visit their room when they are children.
l. Chinamen jump out in front of stolen Lincolns.
m. Ryan Phillippe may or may not have uncontrollable flatulence.
n. Persian store owners are ignorant of the fact that not all Latinos are criminals.
o. Latinos park their cars on their lawns, its just a universal fact.
p. Persians have weak rear doors on their shops that can be broken easily.
q. Black people’s cars don’t work.
r. White women are still ignorant bitches.
s. Busses have windows so people of color can look out and see the cars they don’t have.
t. Tony Danza is still alive and working.
u. Black people can’t speak intelligently on television.
v. Affirmative Action is bad for Matt Dillons father’s janitorial company. w. Skankish white women with big navels work as secretaries for 24-hour locksmiths companies.
x. Asians are insurance adjusters.
y. Persian storekeepers are REALLY good at guessing, because the one in this movie plans to look up a guy named “Daniel Ruiz” in the Los Angeles phone book.
z. “You think you know who you are?”
aa. Spare tires are good places to hide money.
bb. Black women can be rather ignorant and panicky sometimes, especially when they roll their car on the freeway and are breathing mostly gasoline fumes.

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