If ever there was a catalog for old people…

15 05 2007

Meet the “Home Trends” catalog. It gets sent to my house for some reason. I have no memory of ever ordering anything out of it, yet it comes every other month.

 

Its full of crap. Crap that all seems like a good idea, but if you were to ever own any of it you might as well join the AARP. This catalog is entirely full of gizmos, gadgets, and crap that you KNOW some old person somewhere needs.

However, its not the old person merchandise I’m going to focus on, its the merchandise for people that are constantly getting fat.

As a [fat] guy, I’m always finding that sometimes, those buttons on my pants or shorts don’t quite button anymore. I blame it on EVERYTHING I own shrinking in the wash. I’m glad somebody finally is selling what I’ve been dreaming of since I turned 21 and started legally drinking beer.


It should say “Drink that extra case.” Whats cool is that you get a set of 4. Now I can wear 4 pairs of pants in a row without having to switch my fat guy button loop.

Our next item does the same thing, just in a more permanent way.

Notice how it works with waist sizes up to 50 inches. So, if you already wear pants with a 51 inch waist, your screwed. They don’t offer a deluxe model that is capable of expanding circus tents.

And finally, this thing.

“ideal for when your weight fluctuates.”

“To be worn underneath a long shirt or sweater.” Hell no, women need to wear this thing with a tube top or midriff shirt. That way we know your Aunt Flo is visiting.

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