5 06 2007

A few weeks (or maybe days, I’m not really keeping track) ago, I took an online personality test from the official Scientology website.

Yesterday, while I was waiting to be seated at Red Lobster, Dennis (Or Larry, I can’t remember) from the Church of Scientology Mission of Central Valley (A fancy term for a rented office space between a Golf shop, a beauty shop, and near an El Pollo Loco) called me up and wanted to schedule a meeting so we could go over the results of the personality test.

So at 6:30pm I show up at the Scientology office and meet the group. The first thing I notice is that everybody in the office is super friendly. There were only two other people besides Dennis (Larry), one being his wife, and they all made it a point to introduce themselves, make small talk, etc. Nothing weird there, but it did remind me of going to a regular God fearing church and meeting all the parishioners. They’re just SOOO glad to meet you its sickening.
By the way, Larry and his alter ego Dennis are podiatrists. He runs the Scientology place on the side with his wife, whose name I also do not remember. Its either Meg, Peg, or Pat.

So Denny sits me down in a little space by the front. There are some fake plants, two chairs, tonnes of literature, pamphlets, books, DVD’s, and other such media about Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard, and the various “problems” that Dianetics is supposed to help people with.

In our little meeting space, there is a television on a stand with both a VCR (from the late 1980’s, or so it appeared) and a fairly new DVD player hooked up to it. There is a small stack of DVD’s above the player, mostly dealing with drug use, alcohol abuse, and other addiction problems. I was looking forward to watching “The Myth of Marijuana,” but Lannis never mentioned it. I’m guessing he was wanting me to admit some sort of addiction first.

And as you all know, I have no addictions. *hack* *cough* *gulp gulp gulp*


Anyway, we start to go over my test results, which are all graphed out nice and neat on paper that is copyrighted by Scientology AND L. Ron Hubbard. The results that the computer interpreted concerning my personality sounded like nothing more than one of those crappy 10 question personality tests that annoying people post on MySpace (You know who I’m talking about). These tests are rather like a cold reading, along the lines of “You are often a stable, rational person, but at other times you end up making quick, uninformed decisions.”

So far, I’m pretty unimpressed.

However, DLeAnRnRiys (Kudos to you if you’re keeping up with the whole Dennis/Larry thing) is still rather impressed that I didn’t need directions to his office. Its no secret that the Scientology recruiting office is right by El Pollo Loco on Blackstone Avenue. At least, its no secret to me. There is a huge “L. RON HUBBARD” sign above the office, in big red letters that you can see from the bowling alley across the street.

After going over the “test”, we get to talking, and this foot doctor is trying to get me to recall an “unpleasant” memory that is “controlling” my life.


Stay tuned for Part II of My Quest to DESTROY ALL ENGRAMS!




4 responses

8 06 2007
My Quest to DESTROY ALL ENGRAMS: Part II « External Introspections

[…] Part II Posted by macgyversrollofducttape under Tales of Stories!  (This is Part II of this, by the […]

8 06 2007

they call this “auditing”

8 06 2007

Thanks Tom Cruise.

8 12 2009
Golf shop

Like to know more about the Quest to DESTROY ALL ENGRAMS,i don’t know the meaning itself.

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