My Quest to DESTROY ALL ENGRAMS: Part II

7 06 2007

(This is Part II of this, by the way.)

He also asks me if there is something I am aware of that will make my life better.

That’s obvious. One Million Dollars. And a tube of Aspercreme.

So after giving vague yet thoughtful answers to Larry’s (Or is it “Larries?”) questions, I agree to watch a short (38 minute) video on Scientology.

And if any of you know me well enough, “vague yet thoughtful” can describe most of the words that come out of my mouth.

The video is pretty legit. Excellent production quality, good acting, a famous narrator (I don’t know who, but I’ve heard him do other stuff), and a top notch key grip. I’m guessing that Scientology takes full advantage of its Hollywood connections.

The video described how the mind has an “analytical” part and a “reactive” part. Analytical is good, reactive is bad. Engrams are bad memories stored in the reactive part, and they work together to subconsciously control the conscious mind. The goal of Scientology and Dianetics is to clear the mind of engrams.

And the above paragraph will also save the rest of you from having to listen to somebody talk about Scientology ever.

Unfortunately, I was rather disappointed that the video didn’t go into details about aliens, trapped souls, and other such unusual aspects of Scientology. Thats probably for the higher up people, on a need to know basis type thing. (Which is why anybody that watches South Park knows about it)

After the video, I was bored. So I asked about the E-Meter that was sitting over on the table in the corner. Dr. Scholl was more than happy to give me a demonstration. Again, he was acting all surprised that I knew what an E-Meter was. Many, many times I was tempted to tell this guy that I was one of the millions of people who watch South Park.

We go over to the E-Meter, and he shows me my seat. Before I can sit down, he has already taken another seat and put it almost directly in front of mine, as if I was to put my feet up on it. He is a podiatrist, after all. However, he just sat down on it, leaving me no room for my feet.

So I sit down in the other chair, trying not to touch knees with him. He starts describing the history of the E-Meter, and while he is talking I notice that he has slyly placed the E-Meter’s hand grip things in his armpits.

Yes, thats weird.

Later, as he hands them to me, he explains that he has to warm them up or else the readings will be incorrect. Never mind that the readings will be wrong because I am holding metal tubes that were just in a foot doctor’s armpits. Coldness is apparently a big factor that makes the readings wrong.

Will the Engrams be destroyed? Will our hero leave Hubbard’s Den without making a purchase? Will his hands smell like armpits? Find out next time on DESTROYING ALL ENGRAMS: The Conclusion!

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4 responses

8 06 2007
matt

Scientology =’s armpit smelling hands, or hoof in mouth disease

9 06 2007
Ben

Everything I know about scientology I learned from southpark. I almost hope you join because I think you would be an awesome spokesperson for an off the wall vaguely creepy cult.

9 06 2007
macgyversrollofducttape

Cult? Perhaps. I’ve found that Scientology is more along the lines of “Buy our crap, feel better, improve your life, make more money, then buy more of our crap so you can feel even better.”

11 06 2007
matty

thats also what i got from it. but the more you pay into it the more you get out of scientology. i think thats why Tom Cruise is such a great human being.

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