An evening inside the Mayor’s suite at Chukchansi Park

9 07 2007

As I previously mentioned, last Friday evening we were fortunate enough to get some free tickets to the Grizzlie game at Chukchansi Park.

Not only were the tickets free, but they were for a suite. And not just any suite, but Fresno Mayor Alan Autry’s suite.

Thats right, suite 24 belongs to the City of Fresno

I wanted to try and fit the ENTIRE city of Fresno into the suite, but I was informed that some of them had to work, so not EVERYBODY would have been able to come, so I dropped the idea.

The fabulous view of Fresno’s urban decay, as seen from the door to the suite

The interior view of the suite

Honestly, I wasn’t that impressed by the suite. Not to sound ungrateful or anything to the Mayor, but I was expecting it to be more personalized or maybe more Mayorial. It was pretty much a standard suite with standard furnishing and amenities.

The Grand Throne

I’m sitting in what I assume would be the Mayor’s chair, as it has the best view of the television, so I can watch Exit Wounds on TNT.

Or maybe it was Half Past Dead, I wasn’t really paying attention anyway.

Why was I watching TV when there is a perfectly exciting baseball game going on?

Because you can’t see the field unless you go up to the glass (Which was generally covered with Hakeem saliva), and the glass was pretty crowded.

You can go and sit on the balcony outside, but it was way to hot for that while the sun was up. The air conditioning in the suite was working great, so people tended to stay indoors.

Parker makes his required visitations to the suites

I felt really sorry for whoever was in the Parker suit that night. It was like 105 degrees at sundown. Parker’s fur was so dirty probably from a combination of sweat, little kid fingers, and general Mascotal Abuse. I mean, just look at him, how could you not want to drop kick that big goofy yellow bastard in the chest?

Insert your own “Yeah, and Parker is a big goofy yellow bastard too!” joke here.

Overall, it was a fun night, I had the chicken strips and fries dinner accompanied with a nice 16 oz Coors Light (or two). Not to mention the 16 oz Tecate (that stuff is no good out of a keg, by the way), the Bocce Ball (the drink, not the pastime, which was made perfectly at the 600 Club even though I forgot what it was called), and the double Tom Collins.

I thought the suite was nice, if not standard. Personally, I think the suites at the Save Mart Center are way nicer, they at least have their own bathrooms. Also, at the Save Mart Center, its not three flights of stairs down to the concourse. Sure, Chukchansi Park has an elevator to get up to the suite level, but its not climate controlled. And it has ADD.

For example, after we got up to the suite, most of us went down to the concourse to buy some food and drink. Sure, we could have ordered in, but that shit is expensive. Anyway, we crammed into the elevator (It’s a bit smaller then most normal elevators I’ve been in), and pushed the button for the first floor (we were on the third floor). We stopped at the second floor, and the doors opened and shut for no reason. So we continue down to the first floor, the lift stops, the doors forget to open, and we are taken back to the third floor. The whole time Hakeem is screaming because apparently being one year old is to young to not be afraid of elevators.

What’s funny is that when we got back to the third floor, we were still crammed inside, and 10 more people were trying to get in with us. Idiots. I ended up getting off and taking the stairs, still beating the elevator down by at least a minute.

The truth behind how we got the tickets: My friend works for the Mayor’s physical therapist, and her whole office was given tickets as a gift. Only 3 people from the office (including Janet) actually showed up, so there was plenty of room. So if I implied that the Mayor likes to spend time in small, well lit rooms with twenty something-year-old women, I was only kidding.

The Doc is in the room also.

So thank you, Mayor Alan Autry, for your generous donation of 12 suite tickets to Fresno Spine and Sport. We enjoyed the evening very much.




8 responses

9 07 2007


9 07 2007

I may even vote for him if he runs again!

10 07 2007

I was wondering why in the pic of you and Parker it appears as though you have wet your pants? Im sure there is a perfectly resonable explanation for this…right?

10 07 2007

I’m sure there is. The most perfectly reasonable explanation is that I did, in fact, wet my pants. I’m not going to come right out and admit that the fluid in question is urine (although urine is certainly not ruled out), but I was drinking a variety of liquids that evening which may or may not have ended up on the front of my shorts. Your guess is as good as mine.

8 09 2007

This is my first post
just saying HI

8 09 2007

Thanks for dropping by jameswillisisthebest, if that is your real name.

9 09 2007

Not that I make a habit of looking at the front of guys’ pants, but I too was going to mention that the front of your pants looked damp. Then again, so does the front of that fuzzy bowling pin Parker, so, um, yeah.

I imagine that some things just don’t really need to be explained.



9 09 2007

With two strikes against my pants, I’m going to blame it on the shadows. My arm casts a shadow on my shirt, which also looks “wet.”

Then again, maybe those beers did get on me.

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