Return from the Great Southwest

26 08 2007

Saturday night I got back from Arizona.

And for those of you that don’t know, last Wednesday I went to Arizona.

I was in my parents bathroom Thursday morning, and I needed to use a baby wipe after doing whatever it is that makes you need to use one of those. Fortunately, they have two boxes available for use.

I opened the top box, and as I was reaching for a wipe, I thought about the words I saw on top of the lid. Something didn’t sit right. I closed the box and read the top again.

“Preparation H”

Good thing I can read.

Also, my parents have in their bathroom one of my boot camp towels, complete with my name and social security number stenciled on the bottom edge. It was hanging on the shower door. That means it is in a regular rotation for usage. Crazy.

Friday Night I briefly hitched up at the Two Step Saloon in Fountain Hills. This bar occupies the former sight of the Split Window Diner, which was formerly Olives, which was formerly Poma’s Restaurant, which was where I worked for a month in high school. And the places I mentioned are only a few of the random business that occupied this building, I just listed the ones I can remember.

Anyway, it was about midnight when I got there, and the saloon was occupied by maybe 6 other people, not including the bartender, two waitresses, and an owner-type person.

Here are my two favorite things about the Two Step Saloon:

(1) There are over 30 beers on tap, which can make any bar a favorite of mine. One of those thirty beers was Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat, which is not necessarily my favorite type of Leinenkugel’s, but it is still pretty good.

(2) The bar had a strip of cooling ice running around the length of it. For those of you who are not keeping up, the strip of cooling ice is for your beer, or even maybe even the girlie drink you ordered for the Asian prostitute you paid to come with you that night.

(I only mention this because two of the 6 patrons of the bar included an Asian prostitute and her John)

Personally, I don’t need the ice strip, because my beer doesn’t sit long enough to get warm.

As for things I don’t like about the bar, I’ll list two, so as to keep this assessment fair and balanced.

(1) Pints are 5 dollars.

(2) The fact that it has its own web site, which was clearly done professionally. No real bar should have a web site in my opinion. None of those bars I went to in Wisconsin have websites. In fact, I’m willing to bet that the owners of those places don’t even have email accounts.

So if you are in Fountain Hills, Arizona, don’t forget to stop by the Two Step Saloon for a 5 dollar draft and the chance to see a real Asian hooker.

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4 responses

29 08 2007
Ben

If there were asian hookers in Fountian hills when I was there I would have never left.

29 08 2007
macgyversrollofducttape

Me either. I think she’s a bit old for either of us though.

Unless you swing that way, which I think you probably do.

5 09 2007
Joe

Strangely enough, Fountain Hills is known for its Asian hookers. Combined with a cowboy bar, and that is a guaranteed good time.

5 09 2007
macgyversrollofducttape

I’m no expert on Asian hookers, but I’m pretty sure they are attracted to the big fountain. It reminds them of their “first time.”

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