The CSU Fresno Whore

29 08 2007

Tuesdays and Thursdays I have an 11am class. Yesterday was the first session of said class, and I figured I would arrive early to find a parking spot. Not a good spot, just a space to leave my car for an hour and fifteen minutes.

I made my way to the campus only to find that EVERY parking lot was full, and the traffic cops were not allowing anybody in to the lots, not even to look for a spot at their own risk.

This is something of a dilemma. Where the hell were us students supposed to park? You can’t just park on the roads, as they are all red curbed. Its not like there are places around the school to park, as it is surrounded by freeways, corn fields, vineyards, stadiums and whatnot.

There is one small neighborhood on the south side, behind all the college support business’s (Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Einstien’s, bookstores, etc) and near the random apartments/frat houses.

After fighting for 20 minutes to leave the campus roads and make my way to those neighborhoods, I manage to cross Shaw Avenue and enter what I thought was a respectable area.

There are a few curbside spots around, most of them taken up by big roll away dumpsters used by the businesses and the apartments.

Behind Jamba Juice there is a twenty foot length of curb with a dumpster in the middle. Using some quick college level thinking, I realize that if I move the dumpster 5 feet to the right, I can park in front of it.

I pull over next to the dumpster and get out of the car.

“Hey big poppa, whats up?” said the woman standing in the back parking lot of Jamba Juice.

She was wearing a ragged gray t-shirt, some cut off jean shorts, and no shoes ( I don’t remember her shoes, but maybe she had some little flip flops on). She was about 5’8″ and skinny as a rail. A rail that smokes lots of crack.

“Good day, ma’am” I said. (Not really, but I gave her some sort of response. I doubt it was that distinguished)

I began to pull the dumpster over to make room for my car, and it was quite an impressive feat apparently.

“Damn big poppa, you know I like my men strong!” she yelled across the parking lot.

I wasn’t ignoring her right out, as I never ignore these types of people (beggers, crazies, sluts for money’s, etc). There is too much potential for hilarity.

I forgot what I said to her at this point, but I did get back into my car and parallel park.

When I got out, she was right next to the car on the sidewalk.

“Hey big poppa, you got 50 cents for me so I can get a bagel, I’m hungry.”

I knew there had to be a catch. No women calls me big poppa unless she wants something (usually a bagel, oddly enough).

I didn’t have 50 cents, but I had about 20 bucks in singles (don’t ask). Rather then leave her hungry and tempted to perform certain act’s on or near my car, I gave her a dollar. She was rather grateful.

“If you ever need any type of sexual favor, you know where I’m at.” (Thats not paraphrasing either, those are her exact words.)

“I’ll keep that in mind” was all I could say without laughing at her face.

“It’s all good, I’m clean, nothing to worry about” she said as she stroked her midsection and tugged on her shorts.

This was getting unreal. Where the hell was I? Since when is one block south of Shaw an area for hookers? Did she get lost? Did her pimp forget to pick her up this morning? Whats the deal?

As I walked away and towards the campus, I was left with a feeling of….I don’t know what. The whole experience blew my mind. I’ve encountered many whores in my travels, but never so close to home. Especially not so close to a place I spend 16-20 hours a week.

Also, as I walked away, I wondered what I could get for 19 bucks.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

3 responses

29 08 2007
Ben

The most striking part of this story is how many times she called you big poppa.

Maybe its only striking because no one has ever called me that.

29 08 2007
macgyversrollofducttape

Not knowing my name, she had to find a sexy pet name for me.

Apparently “big poppa” is the best she could come up with.

I guess its better then “fat ass.”

22 02 2009
B-$tring

Welcome to my neighborhood! I also especially enjoy tuesday nights by the 7-11 and red wave bar where all the cops hang out and ignore the hookers a block away in a dumpster

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: