I wanna party with these monkeys!

5 06 2008




Go home, drunkard! Part II

24 04 2008

Feeling somewhat obligated to help him out (he did buy me 4 beers), I go into the bathroom and find Matt standing against the sink, staring across the room.  There is no vomit anywhere, which is good.

Not that I would have cleaned it up or anything, but it’s always a good sign when there ISN’T vomit on the floor…that goes for any situation I think.

I tell Matt the he should head home, and he agrees.  Really, he just haphazardly nodded his head.  Same thing.

Right when we are about to leave, some guy walks into the bathroom.  I’m not sure if Matt knew this guy or not, but evidently both of them were drunk enough to have the need to engage in conversation.  Matt bums some chew off the guy and shoves it in his mouth, with most of it getting trapped around his beard.

We head out of the place, and Matt decides he needs to go to the gas station on the corner for some smokes.  Fine with me, so we walk over to the Valero.  He buys a tallboy of Budweiser, a pack of Marlboro Lights, and a bottle of Advil.  He may be drunk, but he is thinking ahead.

For some reason, he feels the need to go around the back of the gas station in order to get to the sidewalk.  It’s sort of a roundabout way, but I’d rather not argue with the guy, just get him home so I can get back to the bar.

He is trying to open his Marlboro’s, but can’t because he is holding the paper bag with beer and Advil.  He stops, slams the bag and its contents against the wall, and proceeds to open his cigarette’s.

He takes a smoke, hands me one (he owed me about 3 at this point…6 if you take into account that he was bumming my American Spirit Perique Blends and trying to pay me back with Marlboro Lights), and starts to walk off towards his apartment.  I grab his bag of dented beer and potentially broken Advil, catch up to him, and make sure he doesn’t stumble off the sidewalk onto Sierra Avenue.

He lives, of course, at the absolute back end of the apartment complex.  He knocks on his door, waits, then knocks again.  His wife comes to the door but won’t open it.  He convinces his wife that he is, in fact, him, and she opens the door.  He thanks me for something, mumbles something else, and falls inside (not literally, but almost).

On the walk back, Corinne calls me and asks me to come home.  I agree, pay my tab, and go home.  It was about 12:30am when I got back to my house.

So it took at least an hour (maybe more if this all started at 10pm) to walk this guy out of the bathroom, across the street to the gas station, down 1/8th of a block to the apartment complex, and back to his home.

Was I so drunk that time was flying?  Or was Matt so drunk that he was speeding up time?

No, because I wasn’t drunk.  I don’t get drunk.  Drunk gets me.





Go home, drunkard!

23 04 2008

Friday night I was at the bar by myself yet again. I got there about 1830, and it was still happy hour. However, happy hour at this bar only means $1 off bottles, mixed drinks, and food.

I prefer to drink draft beer for two reasons:

1) It taste better then anything in a bottle or can.

2) It’s the one thing I can’t get at home. If I regularly had a keg at home, I’m sure draft beer at the bar would lose its appeal.

Anyway, when I rolled into the place, it was just me and Read the rest of this entry »





Pissing for the DMV at a massage parlor

8 04 2008

The other day I had to go get a Department of Transportation physical examination done for work. I had to do it when I initially got hired back in the day, and apparently every two years a follow up is required. At least that’s what I’m going to assume, even though I know for a fact that either somebody lost my paperwork or never gave it to me, and I’ve been working without a valid DOT medical exam on file.

Oh well, I’m not the one that would have to pay that fine to the state.

The exam is basically a non-invasive physical. Read off an eye chart, get hit in the knee to test reflexes, repeat what the doctor whispered to you (hearing test), and so fourth.

This time, I had to give a urine sample as well. No big deal, I’ve given lots of those over the years, whether they wanted one or not.

Usually, when providing a urine sample, you are given a plastic cup with a lid and told to go fill it up. That’s pretty much standard procedure I would think.

So at the beginning of the exam, the doctor sits me down on a Read the rest of this entry »





Smoking for medicinal purposes…

7 04 2008

Check this out.

I wonder how long until all those herbs and plants are made illegal or outlawed. Fortunately, none of them are competitors with cotton or wood, so they’ll probably maintain their legal status.





The first party I went to where I felt old.

29 10 2007

So that costume I mentioned earlier turned out well, I wore it with pride, and there are pictures of the evening in question on Flickr.

And if you didn’t already know, you can get to that particular Flickr account by clicking anywhere on the Flickr sidebar in the bar on the side.

I won’t mention much about the costume, it pretty much explains itself.

The party we went to, however, made me feel Read the rest of this entry »





Such an absolute waste of a day

21 10 2007

As I mentioned earlier, yesterday was to be packed full of events. And it was, more than 12 hours of comings, goings, drinkings, smokings, and eatings.

I don’t have a play by play, because it’s not really interesting enough to warrant such coverage. Don’t get me wrong, it all qualifies as “good times,” but I think it would be presumptuous of me to assume you all need to read about it down to the last detail.

Fresno State beat San Jose (30 – 0), there was lots of beer and rum being consumed (by me, at least), there was some dinner and more beer at Wahoo’s Fish Taco (I’m sure they are everywhere else, but I’ve never heard of it until one recently opened up in Fresno), than there was more beer and liquor at Joe’s Bar, topped off with a custom-ordered girl named Sylvia.

As with any custom ordered product, the final results were Read the rest of this entry »