Reverend Minias

26 03 2009

For at least 20 minutes, Reverend Minias was stationed behind his pulpit. He was ranting and raving about eternal Hellfire, the condemnation of sinners, the death and resurrection of Jesus, and the roads that were paved with gold in Heaven. This was nothing unusual for this particular preacher, and he had given many similar sermons on many similar Sundays.

His congregation was the usual bunch; those that came every Sunday, those that came every now and then, and those that only showed up on holidays. Today was a holiday, Easter Sunday to be exact. Among those in the pews were children, adults, elderly individuals, and everything in between.

Towards the back of the Church a young couple was having a private conversation via electronic wireless methods Read the rest of this entry »


The Pitsword Trunk

19 03 2009

What was nice about being an Interior Communications Electrician is the amount of time I got to spend in clean, comfortable, air conditioned spaces throughout the ship.

Except for those times when I found myself in spaces that were dirty and hazardous to one’s health…which was most of the places we worked in, now that I think about it.

One place in particular I came to loath was the Electromagnetic Underwater Log Rodmeter Compartment, more commonly known (by us, at least) as the Pitsword Trunk.

It was an unusual space, about 4 feet by 4 feet by 15 feet.  At the top was a hatch, which weighed about as much as a small humanoid (think Verne Troyer), which needed be kept closed at all times (except when somebody was in there working).  You would climb a ladder down about 6 feet, and step onto a narrow, slimy shelf.  From there, there was another ladder which went down to the bottom, which was generally covered by about a foot of seawater.

What was the purpose of this room?  Glad you asked.  Check this out.

Sounds high tech, doesn’t it?  Don’t get the wrong impression.  Until VERY recently, most military equipment Read the rest of this entry »

Is Mexico really far away from California?

16 07 2008

I arrived at the office around 3pm to pick up a student (which itself is rather unorthodox, as 99% of the time we pick up students at home).  He was waiting in the “reception” area, I went ahead and introduced myself, and we headed out to the car.  We were out there for about 10 minutes talking about such things as defrosters, blind spots, and emergency flashers.  I asked to see his permit, at which time he admitted that he doesn’t have one.

No problem, as a driving school we can issue temporary student permits. We head back inside and I get him started on the necessary paperwork in one of the empty classrooms. I return to the reception area and begin to catch up on my own paperwork.

There is a girl, who looks to be about 18 or 19 (maybe older) sitting in Read the rest of this entry »

Go home, drunkard! Part II

24 04 2008

Feeling somewhat obligated to help him out (he did buy me 4 beers), I go into the bathroom and find Matt standing against the sink, staring across the room.  There is no vomit anywhere, which is good.

Not that I would have cleaned it up or anything, but it’s always a good sign when there ISN’T vomit on the floor…that goes for any situation I think.

I tell Matt the he should head home, and he agrees.  Really, he just haphazardly nodded his head.  Same thing.

Right when we are about to leave, some guy walks into the bathroom.  I’m not sure if Matt knew this guy or not, but evidently both of them were drunk enough to have the need to engage in conversation.  Matt bums some chew off the guy and shoves it in his mouth, with most of it getting trapped around his beard.

We head out of the place, and Matt decides he needs to go to the gas station on the corner for some smokes.  Fine with me, so we walk over to the Valero.  He buys a tallboy of Budweiser, a pack of Marlboro Lights, and a bottle of Advil.  He may be drunk, but he is thinking ahead.

For some reason, he feels the need to go around the back of the gas station in order to get to the sidewalk.  It’s sort of a roundabout way, but I’d rather not argue with the guy, just get him home so I can get back to the bar.

He is trying to open his Marlboro’s, but can’t because he is holding the paper bag with beer and Advil.  He stops, slams the bag and its contents against the wall, and proceeds to open his cigarette’s.

He takes a smoke, hands me one (he owed me about 3 at this point…6 if you take into account that he was bumming my American Spirit Perique Blends and trying to pay me back with Marlboro Lights), and starts to walk off towards his apartment.  I grab his bag of dented beer and potentially broken Advil, catch up to him, and make sure he doesn’t stumble off the sidewalk onto Sierra Avenue.

He lives, of course, at the absolute back end of the apartment complex.  He knocks on his door, waits, then knocks again.  His wife comes to the door but won’t open it.  He convinces his wife that he is, in fact, him, and she opens the door.  He thanks me for something, mumbles something else, and falls inside (not literally, but almost).

On the walk back, Corinne calls me and asks me to come home.  I agree, pay my tab, and go home.  It was about 12:30am when I got back to my house.

So it took at least an hour (maybe more if this all started at 10pm) to walk this guy out of the bathroom, across the street to the gas station, down 1/8th of a block to the apartment complex, and back to his home.

Was I so drunk that time was flying?  Or was Matt so drunk that he was speeding up time?

No, because I wasn’t drunk.  I don’t get drunk.  Drunk gets me.

Go home, drunkard!

23 04 2008

Friday night I was at the bar by myself yet again. I got there about 1830, and it was still happy hour. However, happy hour at this bar only means $1 off bottles, mixed drinks, and food.

I prefer to drink draft beer for two reasons:

1) It taste better then anything in a bottle or can.

2) It’s the one thing I can’t get at home. If I regularly had a keg at home, I’m sure draft beer at the bar would lose its appeal.

Anyway, when I rolled into the place, it was just me and Read the rest of this entry »

Odd people of the world unite and converge on me!

14 04 2008

I went to what has become my favorite bar last Friday night. It was something of a special occasion, as I was drinking alone. Not entirely alone, there were a few random people I knew there, but mostly I was at the bar watching the karaoke action.

The highlight of the evening was when I was outside smoking. Cathy, who is 50, was way high. She has lupus and “other mental problems,” which allows her to buy medical marijuana. She moved here from Oklahoma in order to get the stuff, as it’s not legal back there. She normally doesn’t smoke to get high, just relive the pain. Friday night, though, she felt it necessary to “party hard.”

I know all that from a 45 second speech that she directed at me while borrowing my lighter after she bummed a smoke from me.

I believe that odd people are drawn to me for some reason. There were at least Read the rest of this entry »

Pissing for the DMV at a massage parlor

8 04 2008

The other day I had to go get a Department of Transportation physical examination done for work. I had to do it when I initially got hired back in the day, and apparently every two years a follow up is required. At least that’s what I’m going to assume, even though I know for a fact that either somebody lost my paperwork or never gave it to me, and I’ve been working without a valid DOT medical exam on file.

Oh well, I’m not the one that would have to pay that fine to the state.

The exam is basically a non-invasive physical. Read off an eye chart, get hit in the knee to test reflexes, repeat what the doctor whispered to you (hearing test), and so fourth.

This time, I had to give a urine sample as well. No big deal, I’ve given lots of those over the years, whether they wanted one or not.

Usually, when providing a urine sample, you are given a plastic cup with a lid and told to go fill it up. That’s pretty much standard procedure I would think.

So at the beginning of the exam, the doctor sits me down on a Read the rest of this entry »