Lately, I’ve realized that I’m capable of eating really spicy things without feeling the heat. I’ve always enjoyed spicy food, and as far as my own experiences with spice goes, there is only one unpleasant experience. And I don’t blame that on the hot sauce in question (Hooters “3 Mile Island” sauce), but on the beer in question (Bigfoot Ale) that made me experience the spice twice, if you know what I mean.
In my quest to find something that is too hot for me to eat, I purchased a variety of hot sauces that are available in any supermarket. I also purchased a “specialty” hot sauce from Slow Burn in Monterey, and “acquired” a Jamaican hot sauce from a friend of mine.
In order to keep things fair, I’ve decided to consume all the hot sauces in the same manner, and in the serving size recommended on the bottle. And by “recommended on the bottle,” I mean the nutritionally recommended serving size, not that bogus “IT ONLY TAKES ONE DROP! UH HUCK! YEE HAW! ETC!” Honestly, what the hell is one drop going to do? I don’t care how hot it is supposed to be, a drop is a drop.
Concerning the manner in which I’ll be consuming the hot sauces, I will be putting the serving of hot sauce on my daily “Boca Burger with cheddar on wheat.” Some of you might say “You idiot, all that bread and cheese will soak up the heat!” To that, I say, oh well. If a sauce is going to be hot, no amount of bread, cheese, or anything else should be able to get in the way of it.
By the way, if I don’t think that the serving size is enough, I’ll just put enough on until I can’t see the burger anymore.
MacGyvers Roll of Duct Tape 
That Boca Burger looks gross! Try some Nando’s sauce. If they send me any more free stuff (they are supposed to), I’ll send some to you.