Shock the kitty!

Has anybody noticed an increase in static electricity lately?  It seems like every time I get out of my car of get up from a chair or wipe my ass I’m getting shocked.  It has been happening so frequently that I now come to expect the shocks.  I have started to get in the habit of closing the car door with my elbow instead of my hand (It still shocks me, but it’s my elbow, so it doesn’t feel as extreme).

Also, somebody should do some research on cat ladies.  You know, those ladies with 150 + cats living with them.  See what is wrong with the lady, but before that study the social hierarchy of the cats.  Just a thought.

Anyway, this static stuff is getting annoying.  I have a feeling when I go to close my laptop, I’m going to get a shock.

Maybe I’m turning into a super hero or something.  That would be cool.

Go home, drunkard! Part II

Feeling somewhat obligated to help him out (he did buy me 4 beers), I go into the bathroom and find Matt standing against the sink, staring across the room.  There is no vomit anywhere, which is good.

Not that I would have cleaned it up or anything, but it’s always a good sign when there ISN’T vomit on the floor…that goes for any situation I think.

I tell Matt the he should head home, and he agrees.  Really, he just haphazardly nodded his head.  Same thing.

Right when we are about to leave, some guy walks into the bathroom.  I’m not sure if Matt knew this guy or not, but evidently both of them were drunk enough to have the need to engage in conversation.  Matt bums some chew off the guy and shoves it in his mouth, with most of it getting trapped around his beard.

We head out of the place, and Matt decides he needs to go to the gas station on the corner for some smokes.  Fine with me, so we walk over to the Valero.  He buys a tallboy of Budweiser, a pack of Marlboro Lights, and a bottle of Advil.  He may be drunk, but he is thinking ahead.

For some reason, he feels the need to go around the back of the gas station in order to get to the sidewalk.  It’s sort of a roundabout way, but I’d rather not argue with the guy, just get him home so I can get back to the bar.

He is trying to open his Marlboro’s, but can’t because he is holding the paper bag with beer and Advil.  He stops, slams the bag and its contents against the wall, and proceeds to open his cigarette’s.

He takes a smoke, hands me one (he owed me about 3 at this point…6 if you take into account that he was bumming my American Spirit Perique Blends and trying to pay me back with Marlboro Lights), and starts to walk off towards his apartment.  I grab his bag of dented beer and potentially broken Advil, catch up to him, and make sure he doesn’t stumble off the sidewalk onto Sierra Avenue.

He lives, of course, at the absolute back end of the apartment complex.  He knocks on his door, waits, then knocks again.  His wife comes to the door but won’t open it.  He convinces his wife that he is, in fact, him, and she opens the door.  He thanks me for something, mumbles something else, and falls inside (not literally, but almost).

On the walk back, Corinne calls me and asks me to come home.  I agree, pay my tab, and go home.  It was about 12:30am when I got back to my house.

So it took at least an hour (maybe more if this all started at 10pm) to walk this guy out of the bathroom, across the street to the gas station, down 1/8th of a block to the apartment complex, and back to his home.

Was I so drunk that time was flying?  Or was Matt so drunk that he was speeding up time?

No, because I wasn’t drunk.  I don’t get drunk.  Drunk gets me.

In the name of Curly, Vince, and the Holy Brett

I’m starting a religion based around the Green Bay Packers for a Philosophy group project.  Any thoughts?

This Is Amazing

Go home, drunkard!

Friday night I was at the bar by myself yet again. I got there about 1830, and it was still happy hour. However, happy hour at this bar only means $1 off bottles, mixed drinks, and food.

I prefer to drink draft beer for two reasons:

1) It taste better then anything in a bottle or can.

2) It’s the one thing I can’t get at home. If I regularly had a keg at home, I’m sure draft beer at the bar would lose its appeal.

Anyway, when I rolled into the place, it was just me and

Search Engine Hilarity – duct tape for medicinal purposes

It was bound to happen sooner or later.  All I’ve been able to use it for is hair removal.

When do we eat?

Ever have a bunch of random food items around the house and nothing to eat?  This site should be of some help.

I suppose it’s more helpful if you actually keep a running inventory of your kitchen.

And why isn’t “Tin of Manwich” on the list?

I’d like to have this stricken from the record…

This is what I wanted to include in my appeal letter:

“Had I known that my failure to distinctly provide evidence of childhood toys and other childish nonsense would cause me to get low scores on the essay, I would have lied and made something up about how playing with Lego’s has made me want to be an engineer.”

Corinne made me take it out.

This is right on

For being an article from Cracked.com, I found its contents quite insightful. Not to imply that Cracked.com is all idiot humor and sex jokes, by any means. Nevertheless, I did enjoy this article.

English Language Nazis

I failed my Undergraduate Writing Exam, which means I won’t be graduating

Not really, I’ll still graduate, I just have to retake the test in June. If I don’t pass it then, I have to take a 3 unit class in the fall. That’s fine, as I’ll still be going to school anyway for another year (Credential Program).

Overall, me not passing the test is more of an inconvenience then a setback, as now I have to deal with the entire issue.

I have the option to appeal my score. Get this: I got 112 points on the test, and I only needed 114 points to pass. To get another two points, I need to explain why I deserve them.

Below is the question and my response. I left in all spelling and grammar errors.

Yes, I make spelling and grammar errors. I have become accustomed to the computer picking them up, and in some cases, auto correcting. Obviously, when I wrote the essay by hand, I didn’t get auto corrected.

Anyway, let me know what you think. I’m looking for some constructive criticism.

Question #1

You have 45 minutes to write on the following topic. Read the prompt carefully, and be sure to address the prompt directly and fully in your response.

As children, we all engaged in activities which we found enriching and enjoyable at the time. As we grow up, however many of us leave behind these activities for a variety of reasons. On the other hand, others may find that as adults, they still engage in a leisure activity or indulge a hobby which they first pursued as children. In either case, this childhood activity has shaped the people we grow up to be.

Consider your own life experience, and choose ONE favorite activity or hobby in which you engaged as a child. In a well developed and clearly organized essay, describe this activity in detail, and fully explain how this activity has contributed to the person you are today. If you no longer pursue this activity, why did you give it up? If you still engage in this activity, why do you still make it part of your adult life?

Heres what I wrote:

As a child, one tends to engage in “childish” activities to pass the time. Such an activity, for myself an no doubt others, was playing with toys. however, the term “toy” itself is rather general, but to describe what, as a child, I utilized to entertain myself, the term “toy” would be rather accurate. Looking at my life today, one could say that I still play with my toys, even though the actual toys themselves have grown up and changed along with me.

The toys that I played with as a child were intended for the use of children. For example, many toys come with an age reccomendation such as “For Ages 5 and Up,” or “Not For Children Under 3 years of Age.” What I notice now is that there is never a maxium age written on toy packaging. To me, that implies that childrens toys can be used for entertainment indefinately. However, there seems to be some sort of transition period in which older toys are cast aside and replaced with newer, more advanced, and no doubt expensive toys.

These childhood toys perhaps come to embody the spirit of my own youth. As I matured and moved into young adulthood, these same toys were either discarded, put away in a box somewhere, or passed along to a younger generation. In a sense, toys can be viewed as a metaphor pertaining to ones own physical, mental, and psycholigical growth. Some toys are discarded, just as certain aspects of childishness are left behind as one matures. the toys in a box somewhere would represent childhood memories and experiences stored in the mind. The toys that were passed along represent my own childhood being replaced with a younger generation, speaking volumes about how it is now my time to “be the adult” and act as guardian and role model for youths.

If the playing, discarding, keeping, and passing along of toys represents my progression from childhood to adulthood, then the acquiring of newer, more complex and expensive toys must represent my march from adulthood to death. As the description of this progression will no doubt be depressing, its aspects will remain unexplored for now. After all, I won’t know the true meaning of anything until after I die. To speculate on the meanin of my adult toys now would be a fruitless undertaking, as I have no knowledge of my own future, which would provide the necessary retrospective details which I utalized to write the first part of this essay which covered childhood.

In other words, I can’t truely analyize my adulthood until it is over. When that happens, I’ll finish this up properly.

Why 2020?

Yeah, and we’ll also be living on the moon and driving hover cars. Whatever.

Personally, I like using a real keyboard. It’s called feedback. When I press a key, I know I pressed it. I can hear the clicking. It is what is letting me know I’m hitting the right keys. Yes, sometimes I know I hit the wrong key by sound alone.

Also, I prefer using a mouse. I cannot stand track pads, track balls, or any other lame mouse alternative.

About the only thing I I’ve found that is comparable to a mouse is the touch screen interface on iPhones or the iPod touch. The downside to those is typing on the flat surface, and of course the buttons are tiny, smaller then any appropriate typing appendage on my body.

And why do they predict 2020? Why not 2019 or 2018? Hell, in Back to the Future II they probably had stuff like that. For that matter, why can’t I watch 12 channels at once yet? Am I to believe that between now and 2015 technology is going take gigantic leaps and bounds?

And what’s the deal with Mr. Fusion? What’s stopping people from stuffing babies or small animals into that thing? It’s the perfect crime.

Whats wrong with Japan?

For Japan supposedly being full of intelligent people, they, as a nation, do some of the dumbest shit sometimes.

I have heard about guys that get paid to cram people onto Tokyo subways, but it didn’t

Maybe I shouldn’t study at all…

I found out today that I got a 79% on this test.

It surprised me, thats for sure. I wonder what the people that actually understood the material scored.

“Free” Energy

Here is your bit of conspiracy enlightenment for the day. Its not a new video by any means, but still interesting.

Odd people of the world unite and converge on me!

I went to what has become my favorite bar last Friday night. It was something of a special occasion, as I was drinking alone. Not entirely alone, there were a few random people I knew there, but mostly I was at the bar watching the karaoke action.

The highlight of the evening was when I was outside smoking. Cathy, who is 50, was way high. She has lupus and “other mental problems,” which allows her to buy medical marijuana. She moved here from Oklahoma in order to get the stuff, as it’s not legal back there. She normally doesn’t smoke to get high, just relive the pain. Friday night, though, she felt it necessary to “party hard.”

I know all that from a 45 second speech that she directed at me while borrowing my lighter after she bummed a smoke from me.

I believe that odd people are drawn to me for some reason. There were at least

Everything is made in China. Deal with it.

As much as I agree with the Beijing Olympic boycotting, I couldn’t help but laugh at this cartoon.

That’s never happened before

I just went to take a test, and I had no clue what anything on it was.

I knew I was screwed on my way in though, because when I tried to look over my notes this afternoon, I had no clue what any of that stuff was either.

The whole semester, I was in class, paying attention, taking notes. I went to take the test, and I knew 1 out of 9 questions. I had to pretend I knew about the 8 just to get some sort of credit.

I felt like I missed a month of that class and showed up for the test. It was the weirdest thing.

On one question I actually wrote for the answer:

“I’m having a bad month. I apologize in advance for failing this test, it is not like me at all to fail any sort of test. I think I am on the verge of some sort of mental breakdown due to stress.”

Maybe he’ll give me sympathy points or something.

Fortunately, I’m not doing bad at all in the class a whole. I’m not worried about failing, but this test might bring me down to a low “B.” I’ll have to make sure to do good on the final.

Lynyrd Skynyrd is getting kooky in their old age.

I am busy, godammit.

Graduation is upon us (well, me at least), and it’s down to the final stretch.

This final stretch is a gauntlet of poison arrows, giant axes swinging back and fourth, and probably a bunch of ugly naked people.

April 10th

–8am Philosophy 120 class canceled (That’s a good thing though)

-Turn in my research progress for History 188, which is a BINDER of “TPS reports” (Like from Office Space) detailing what I’ve looked at, where I found it, how useful it is to the overall project, and so forth.

–Midterm #3 in Linguistics 10

April 11th

–Book review on the Richard Townsend book The Aztecs due for Philosophy 2.

April 14th

-Final Rough Draft due for History 100, which is at least 15 pages.

-Presentation on the Richard Townsend book The Aztecs at 11:00-11:30

April 15th

-Morpheme analysis for Dinosaurs due for Linguistics 10

April 19-21

-Being peer pressured into going camping

April 29th

-8 to 10 page paper on the Sassoun Massacre due for Armenian History 108b (I have yet to even start this)

May 5th

-Final draft due for History 100

May 6th

-Final analysis paper on Dinosaurs due for Linguistics 10

May 15th

-The final kick in the nuts for my last semester of undergraduate coursework: Three final exams, all of which from the three classes that actually give hard tests. I only have four actual exams as it is, and the other one is on May 12th…but that’s not really going to be a hard test.

Putting everything into perspective, it’s not that bad really. Maybe I was stressing out for nothing.

Either way, I need to actually do some work now, lest I get caught up doing internet bullshit for the rest of the night.

Men > Women

Below are some amusing quotes from this guys website. Read and be enlightened.

“Of course, just like any other time a woman opens her mouth, she doesn’t have any fucking clue what she’s talking about. She’s right only because women vomit words from their mouths with such a frequency that eventually she has to be right, even though she’s probably contradicting something she’s just said, or possibly jibbering in a language she doesn’t know.”

“Women hate money. That’s why they spend it as quickly as possible. That’s also why they can’t save it. They’re afraid of it. And that’s especially why women don’t fight for a raise in the workplace. They hate money and also they’re cowardly.”

“Besides, if you make it your business to correct every feminine fuckup you encounter in any average day, you’ll quickly find yourself exhausted, hen pecked until you can hear the indignancy in your sleep, and probably bald or impotent. No thanks.”

“Men don’t spend their days idly imagining horrible shit.”

Pissing for the DMV at a massage parlor

The other day I had to go get a Department of Transportation physical examination done for work. I had to do it when I initially got hired back in the day, and apparently every two years a follow up is required. At least that’s what I’m going to assume, even though I know for a fact that either somebody lost my paperwork or never gave it to me, and I’ve been working without a valid DOT medical exam on file.

Oh well, I’m not the one that would have to pay that fine to the state.

The exam is basically a non-invasive physical. Read off an eye chart, get hit in the knee to test reflexes, repeat what the doctor whispered to you (hearing test), and so fourth.

This time, I had to give a urine sample as well. No big deal, I’ve given lots of those over the years, whether they wanted one or not.

Usually, when providing a urine sample, you are given a plastic cup with a lid and told to go fill it up. That’s pretty much standard procedure I would think.

So at the beginning of the exam, the doctor sits me down on a

Smoking for medicinal purposes…

Check this out.

I wonder how long until all those herbs and plants are made illegal or outlawed. Fortunately, none of them are competitors with cotton or wood, so they’ll probably maintain their legal status.

Bunk I say!

Read this article about water drinkage.

What the hell is wrong with scientists? Sure, water may not be as wonderful as it was thought to be, and maybe studies are all inconclusive, but why the hell publish that? People are happy drinking lots of water. Let them drink water.

I can see a bunch of lazy people hearing about this news, cutting back on their water intake, then feeling miserable because they are not drinking enough water.

Maybe 64 ounces a day may be a bit much, I’ll admit. But some people wouldn’t even drink water if they didn’t think it had some sort of health benefit.

Yesterday I drank half of my normal intake, and when I woke up in the middle of the night I was mad thirsty. That usually only happens if I was drinking.

So yeah, drink water.

The difference between men and women at the ATM

Check this out.

You won’t like me when I’m angry, Tyler Durden.

Last night (this morning?) I awoke from a dream.

It’s happened before…no doubt it will happen again.

Anyway, in the dream I was stuck in a store overnight. I didn’t get locked in or anything, I was waiting in line to pay for merchandise. It wasn’t just me, it was a bunch of other people, which makes me think that it was a 24 hour store of some kind. I was buying a gift for Corinne (apparently), and the service at the store was so bad that people were waiting in line all night to get checked out/rung up.

I was buying Corinne a small (very small, like the size of a

I’m not a dog-beater

I’m not a dog-beater.

Movies ARE NOT predictable!

30. The Chief of Police is always black.

57. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade — no matter what time of year it is. If you can’t find a St. Patrick’s Day parade, try for a Chinese New Year celebration and hide in the dragon.

106. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically pressing the cradle switch and saying, “Hello? Hello?”

115. Villains are fond of explaining everything to anyone in sight.

122. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

127. The most unstable object in creation is a roadside fruit seller’s cart.

Check out the rest of the list here.

Major Choice Made, Life Will Get Better Now

Yesterday afternoon, I went ahead and joined the Army National Guard.

I know I decided that it was a bad idea, but I realized that things are not going to get any better in my life unless I commit myself to something greater.

So instead of going to school today, I went up to