The limo ride

Last night I attended my Godsons first birthday party. Like any good first birthday party, there was cake, lots of people, a bounce house boxing ring, and a keg.

After things were winding down after 1am (I guess that’s what time it was), I ended up taking a bit of a nap on the

Search Engine Hilarity – The best one so far

If you Google urinate few

“smart” phone

I recently got a T-Mobile Dash, which is classified as a “smart” phone.

Below are my 3 reasons as to why it should be re-classified as a “retarded” phone.

1. It is not capable of downloading ring tones, wallpapers, or applications from T-Mobile.
   • This is because T-Mobile expects you to

Big Ass Table v 3.1

I can’t wait for the future, its gonna be so tight!

Yeah, and the big ass

Upgrade your ram for 3 pence? Part II

In the last year, my father acquired my sisters old computer after she got a new one. A hand-me-UP, I suppose.

Anyway, we were visiting my parents in Arizona, so I set up the computer for him. By the way, they had already waited something like 4 months for a visit from me so I could set it up. Don’t ask why my sister didn’t just set it up, or have one of her teenage children do it for her.

It was a 2000-ish “e-Machine”. Not a bad computer when it came out, and it was still working well enough in 2006-2007 for whatever purposes my father had in mind. Surely he wasn’t planning on

Search Engine Hilarity – flaming bowel

I’m proud to announce that if you Google “flaming bowel,” this blog is the first thing on the list.

Thank you, Google. You just made my day.

Upgrade your ram for 3 pence?

When will old people realize that knowing how to do tasks on computers, nay, computers in general, are not a big deal.

I was given some sort of top of the line computer in 1998 (Senior year of high school), it was a 386 with a Pentium (1) processor. It ran Windows 3.1. At the time, it was the shit.

Now, it is worthless, if it still exists. It was probably melted down years ago by the pawn shop I sold it to.

When I got it, my parents were amazed that I had unpacked it, set it up, and was able to play solitaire and minesweeper (can anybody ACTUALLY play minesweeper though?) in under 20 minutes. They thought I was some sort of computer genius.

Since I got my first computer, my parents were

If my boss EVER makes me learn these songs…

I hate stuff like this.

I absolutely can’t stand educational videos featuring this “original” music bullshit targeted at teenage audiences. No teenager that watches this as part of a serious learning experience does so without

Trapped at the DMV!

I’m trapped at the DMV with a student. His name is Prakash, and his English is no better than a young Borat.

This is supposed to be a 2 hour deal, not the three hours it has become.

Also, typing on my Dash is not fun.

Search Engine Hilarity – Can I ask a question like you’re a real person?

Today I was having a look at my blog stats (like all bloggers tend to do on a daily basis), and one of the search engine terms that led to this site was “is it legal to drive with jeep windshield.” (I’m assuming that WordPress just cuts off really lengthy questions, and the last word is probably “down” or “missing.” And if that is the case, the question being asked is still pretty dumb.)

Of course, that question created a hit which led to my recent blog about my adventures with some kin folk out in the country.

That makes sense and all, as I am writing about being in a Jeep with the windshield down, and I even throw in the word “legal” a few times.

Oddly enough, if you Google

Kerouac

I was looking at a blog about strange maps and I came across a hand drawn map of the USA by Jack Kerouac. That got me doing some research on the guy.

I have read half of “On the Road,” and enjoyed the half I did read. I only stopped reading because I found a job and had no time for it anymore. That was almost 4 years ago this summer. The book is still

Updating

Now that it’s a few weeks deep into summer break, I’m actually working a normal 8-5 schedule.

I think that those hardcore bloggers must not actually have real jobs, because I’m finding it difficult to update and write daily.  Its not that I don’t have time, its just that

What about the Engrams?

What about the Engrams indeed….

Someday I’ll finish that story.  I’ve lost motivation to write about that, it was quite the mediocre experience and frankly (Or should it be “jasonly”) I don’t give a crap about it anymore.

Some good ol’ boys, the conclusion.

I’ve seen lots of puddles in my time. Deep ones, shallow ones, murky ones, clear ones, etc.

This puddle was deep enough to submerge the entire back end of the Jeep, seat and all. The only thing above water was the front seats, the engine, and the spare tire on the tail of the Jeep.

Wyatt and David are standing on the back of the Jeep holding on to the roll bar and their beers, I’m sitting in the passenger seat with my feet under a foot of water, and Jarret is engaging the 4-wheel drive (A little late for that, I think to myself).

Jarret proclaims that he is not going to get wet, and proceeds to

Some good ol’ boys

Saturday night was Corinne’s cousin Amy’s college graduation party. Nothing big, just family. It was at Amy’s parents house out in the country in Madera, on their rather large ranch where grapes and other such crops are grown for profit. You know, like a farm, except its called a “ranch.”

This is the tale of how I got covered with San Joaquin mud and got to experience what real country folk do for fun.

I was standing around drinking Coors Light (my kind of people) with the guys at the party. An explanation of myself and Corinne’s relationship to these guys is needed, as it will help create a better storyline.

First, there is Wyatt, who is Amy’s brother and by default Corinne’s cousin as well. He runs a few hundred acres of various crops, mostly grapes. He is my age, and married. More about his wife in a minute.

Second is Jarret, who is married to Cristen, who is the youngest sister of Wyatt and Amy, and, of course, also Corinne’s cousin by default. Jarret’s sister, Marlea, is Wyatt’s wife. So Jarret and Wyatt are brothers-in-law, twice over.

Third is David, who is Amy’s boyfriend. No weird family connection there, except that he was already Jarret and Wyatt’s good buddy before he started dating Amy.

So thats just the beginning of the strange relationships and marriages that dominate this circle of friends.

But thats not the story, just

El Yucateco Green Habanero Hot Sauce

No picture of this one, sorry.  I don’t feel like finding the camera, cleaning off the counter, etc.  However, the El Yucateco website should be more than acceptable.   Dig that funky beat.

I didn’t eat this sauce on my usual Boca Burger, as I have been out of those for about a week now.  I have been eating it on Chile Rellano, Carnitas, and the ever popular turkey tacos.

I like the color a lot, its such a bright green.  And eating bright green things are always fun.  It reminds me of

Delay

I got into an apparently bad auto accident yesterday, and supposedly my back hurts. Whatever.

My wrist hurts more, and thats from an injury I sustained after I got home last night.

Anyway, I was going to finish up QUEST TO DESTROY ALL ENGRAMS!, but my wrist hurts when I type. And I have to go to work earlier now since I don’t have a car of my own. Sucks.

Yeah yeah, nobody was hurt and everybody was insured. I have some pics of my car, but I can’t figure out how to get them off my phone. I’ll work on it.

My Quest to DESTROY ALL ENGRAMS: Part II

(This is Part II of this, by the way.)

He also asks me if there is something I am aware of that will make my life better.

That’s obvious. One Million Dollars. And a tube of Aspercreme.

So after giving vague yet thoughtful answers to Larry’s (Or is it “Larries?”) questions, I agree to watch a short (38 minute) video on Scientology.

And if any of you know me well enough, “vague yet thoughtful” can describe most of the words that come out of my mouth.

The video is pretty legit. Excellent production quality, good acting, a famous narrator (I don’t know who, but I’ve heard him do other stuff), and a top notch key grip. I’m guessing that

My Quest to DESTROY ALL ENGRAMS!

A few weeks (or maybe days, I’m not really keeping track) ago, I took an online personality test from the official Scientology website.

Yesterday, while I was waiting to be seated at Red Lobster, Dennis (Or Larry, I can’t remember) from the Church of Scientology Mission of Central Valley (A fancy term for a rented office space between a Golf shop, a beauty shop, and near an El Pollo Loco) called me up and wanted to schedule a meeting so we could go over the results of the personality test.

So at 6:30pm I show up at the Scientology office and meet the group. The first thing I notice is that

Search Engine Hilarity – The Germans love me!

Check this out!

I didn’t translate the page, somebody else did. It showed up on my blog stats as a page that somebody viewed.

I’m not totally sure its German, it could be

SLAPPA ME FIVE!

Ever watch a movie from the 1980’s (or otherwise) and notice a bunch of people who are now famous or at least semi-famous playing small roles, even extras? I sure do.

I was watching “Crocodile” Dundee II today.

The DEA agent that is sent to follow Mick is none other then

Burn Baby Burn Revolutionary Hot Sauce

Initally, there is no real flavor, just heat.   Not a substantial amount of heat, just but enough to keep me interested. 

After a while, there is a fair amount of heat being maintained in my mouth and throat.  The flavor has finally come though, and it is the best flavor I’ve had so far.

Later on, the heat stays in my throat and mouth.  I can really feel it when I swallow, it almost creates a brand new level of burn.  This one made me